Is home where you feel confident?
As I imagine it is for most people, there are some situations in which I feel more confident than others, and I find myself wondering: what does it usually take for me to find it easier to be confident. What is the difference between those situations? So I picked different moments out of my memory; from conversations I've had with friends, colleagues or strangers, to being introduced to someone, holding meetings or rehearsing. And I realised, often my confidence level coincides with whether or not I am with my violin - holding it in my hands or just having the case on my back. Somehow, I instantly feel stronger and more grounded. Why exactly is that? Now, it's undeniable that I’m emotionally attached to it. I - like other professional musicians - have ‘sacrificed’ a lot from very early on to be able to put in the required time, energy and love. Inevitably, that has created a bond and has given me knowledge about myself which strengthens me. Of course there is also a psychological advantage to presenting yourself as the 'role' you have shaped throughout your life and career, and there is always an element of validation there. There are tricks of using physical items to help you put on a persona that is more confident than you, but this is not that. I am just really very used to its presence. After all, I reckon I’ve spent nearly a third of my hours on earth so far with my violin on me (I’ve done the maths… it’s quite bonkers). I just feel more comfortable with it around. It's like a companion. It’s comforting to have someone - or something - with you that you are so used to. You feel more confident when there is that element of familiarity and safety.
Isn’t that the feeling we have when we feel ‘at home’? A safe space, a comforting and familiar place that provides a platform for us to easily be ourselves? So maybe 'home' is simply wherever and whenever we feel most confident...
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